Updated layout now with extra motivation

On Saturday my housemate Stella and I trekked up to Raymond Terrace for Stand Your Ground 1, a course by Emazon.  The workshop was great and I came away with a lot of tea.  I also came away with some ideas for shifting the self-sabotage issue I have with running.  I realised how many 'rules' I've set myself and continue to make on a moment to moment basis "If I run now I can do x", "I must run or else y", "I have to do everything on my program or I've failed" etc. etc.  This is hooking my inner rebel who says "yeah, you can't make me" and then I get locked in a battle of good and evil in my own mind.

Without going into details of my childhood which are not necessarily helpful here, suffice it to say that I was an over-responsible child.  I had to develop maturity beyond my years very quickly and be responsible for myself at a younger age than ideal.  I also developed a strong sense of responsibility for other people's emotions but that's not so relevant.  One of my colleagues who was also a child carer for a parent said it best when she said "I'm in recovery from being over-responsible".

How are these two things related?  I have a very well-developed stubborn streak and inner rebel and she protects me from over-doing.   I'm going to call her Violet.  Unfortunately she doesn't know when the rules I'm setting are helpful to me, she just rebels against being constrained by 'should' and 'must'.  She's just trying to keep me from going down that old road.

So, with this in mind I'm setting out to get Violet on board with my training.  I figure I just need to let her know that running is something I want to do, not HAVE to do.  So I compiled a list of reasons I love running to tell myself instead of saying "I have to go for a run"

Reasons I love running:

• Surpass my self-imposed boundaries, proving I'm stronger than I think I am
• Achieve my goal of Tarawera 60km
• Increase self-confidence and self efficacy   
• Feel and look better in clothes (and naked)
• Boost energy
• Lift mood
• Boost memory
• De-stress
• Be with nature
• Increase determination and distress tolerance
• Be social! Meet new people and see friends
• Live longer
• Boost immunity
• Strengthen muscles
• Increase creativity
• Increase fitness and stamina
• Improve speed
• Strengthen bones
• Lose weight
• Improve sleep 
• Increase vitamin D levels
• Listen to music/podcasts
• Reduce appetite and increase healthy food choices
• Explore the neighbourhood (advantage for Urban Max)

I then told myself every run I log takes me closer to my goal of surpassing my self-imposed boundaries; every step takes me closer to the Tarawera Ultra.  Every run I miss for reasons other than illness or injury takes me further from my goal.  No 'should' no 'must' just simple statement of fact.

It wasn't easy but I went out for the 6km run scheduled on my program (1km easy, 3 km @6:30/km, 2km easy).  I missed yoga as a result but I'd already been to Primal this morning and done a strength session so figured if I missed yoga I'd done more than enough today.  At that moment it was more important to myself that I complete the run as programmed.

She believed she could, so she did.